Trust is another important principle of mindfulness. Trust is something that is hard to describe but ultimately it comes down to faith and belief in something being true. We must learn to trust in ourselves and others in order to have this sense of trueness in our lives. It takes trust to be mindful and mindfulness to be trusting - the two go hand in hand. I have to say, this topic is particularly of interest to me due to my own experience of trust and dis-trust, but also because trust is something so often talked about in the therapy space. Trust seems like a fundamental concept in life that is so poorly understood. So, lets open this up…
Yoga Wisdom
In the Yoga Sutras (short verses of wisdom), Patanjali shares that he wants us to be free from within, and find the answers we need, to be able to live with trust and faith, in what we take on, and for the people we have around us. He says we cannot have trust without faith – but we can have faith and no trust. We can be born into faith, but trust is something that grows and develops within us. Patanjali encourages us to experience, reflect and try things out, so the wisdom he describes, can be integrated into ourselves and become our own wisdom. This requires trust and awareness - we must let mindfulness be our teacher.
Based on this, we must trust in ourselves so our spiritual path develops. Trust in life’s small and large areas grow, and the choices we make become clear and authentic. We must trust that we are where we are supposed to be. Only then can we see and experience the clarity that this Sutra describes. The wisdom that Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras gives us helps us to live with trust in life and ourselves as it is.
Life takes a lot of trust. It takes a deep trust in who you are to get up in the morning; to challenge yourself to learn new things; to love and create intimate relationships with friends, family, and partners. The further away we get from trusting ourselves, the less likely we are to take risks, open up, love, and live a full, dynamic life.
We can build and cultivate our capacity for self-trust. We have to know ourselves - what makes us tick, how we are feeling deep down - in order to find self-trust. In addition, developing trust follows the same principles as building a new skill - it is not created overnight. Building self-trust takes practice and experimentation.
Unconditional and Conditional Trust
This section of reflection came from a discussion I had with my friend and colleague. We were talking about romantic relationships at the time, but in hindsight it can be applied to all relationships, even the relationships we have with ourselves.
Conditional Trust - Something about the term ‘conditional’ means ‘because you have earned it’ and ‘you’ve built up to this’. Maybe it feels more contractual or neutral.
Unconditional Trust - Something about the term ‘unconditional’ means ‘no matter what’, with limitless qualities. This is trusting yourself and others, not ‘because’ or ‘when’. Maybe this feels like pure, unbreakable trust.
Trust, whether it is conditional or unconditional can be mutual (or not). Reflect on your own relationships with others, friends, family and/or maybe a partner. Reflect on your relationship with yourself. Remember, it might be that trust changes between people, maybe it begins as conditional and develops into unconditional trust, or vice versa.
I once read somewhere that you can only know if you trust someone if you give them your trust in the first place. This was enlightening for me and showed me how you could begin with unconditional trust, rather than build up to it. How can someone prove they are worthy of your trust without giving them the opportunity to look after it? The same goes for you, how can you know if you can trust yourself, if you never give yourself trust in the first place?
Jay Shetty talks about 4 types of trust in “Think Like A Monk”…
1. Competence - trusting in someone’s opinions and recommendations
2. Care - trusting someone has your best intentions at heart
3. Character - trusting someone’s moral compass and values
4. Consistency - trusting that someone that is deeply reliable
If we look at these 4 types, you might be able to think about people who are of these natures. Maybe it’s too high of an expectation for you to hold yourself and others to having all of these 4 types of trust. Rather, what are your strong points and what are your loved ones strong points?
Summary
So, we know a bit about yoga and trust philosophy, we know about unconditional and conditional trust and the 4 types of trust from “Think Like A Monk”. If we combine some concepts, people used to unconditionally trust in a medical doctor’s competence. However, in my experience, more recently, the trust would be more conditional. This might look like “prove to me you know your stuff before I take your word that this medication will help me” as opposed to “yes doctor, what ever you think is right”. If we think about a work colleague, how they build your trust over time by consistently delivering projects before the deadline. You might find that this trust is conditional, “I trust you with this, providing you keep delivering”. What do you think about this all?
Journaling Prompts
Who would you be if you trusted the basic goodness that lives through you?
Do you trust in your own competence? Do you trust in your opinions and recommendations?
Do you trust in your self-care? When we are putting our emotions into our hands, do you care like a best friend might and do you have your best interests in mind?
Do you trust in your character? Do you have a strong moral compass and uncompromising values?
Do you trust in your consistency? Can you count on yourself? Are you reliable, present, and available to look inwards? Do you stick with yourself through the highs and lows of life?
Do you only trust yourself when you meet expectations or do you trust yourself no matter what?
What types of trust are you strong in? What types of trust do you need to grow into?
Do you offer more conditional trust or more unconditional trust? What are the benefits of offering unconditional trust straight away? What are the benefits of offering conditional trust?
Mantras
“I am where I’m supposed to be”
“Every action I have taken, conscious and unconscious, desired or undesired has led me to here”
“The path behind me was always going to happen”
“I trust the path that is in front of me unconditionally”
References:
Think Like A Monk - Jay Shetty (Book)
https://mariabooxyoga.com/trusting-wisdom-reflections-patanjalis-yoga-sutras/#:~:text=Trust%20is%20the%20foundation%20for,%2C%20awareness%2C%20wisdom%20and%20memory.
http://www.happyheart.co/blog/cultivating-self-trust https://thinklikeamonkbook.com/relationships/
Oxford Mindfulness Centre